flying back to all those places

it's curious how the mind works, how the music works... even a song you have never heard before can take you directly to all those places you miss so much, to all the people you love and have loved, bring back all those memories you thought were behind, make you feel exactly as if you were there...

when "places" can be a city, an event, a room, a view, a meal, a person, a group, a hug, a smile, a feeling... and right now i have in mind a first name for each of those. miss you...

nostalgic, yes, but the good kind...

[katie gray - set free]

ps: happy valborg ;)

la puerta entreabierta, la cabeza ligeramente apoyada, y manteniendo esos 10 cm días, meses, incluso años.
- buenas noches, ana...
- buenas noches...
- buenas noches, ana...
- buenas noches...
un suspiro y una silueta que se aleja por el pasillo...

a veces lo más importante no está en las cosas en sí, sino precisamente en ese espacio intermedio donde no están, con los gestos que no se hacen y las palabras que no se dicen...

corrientes...

...de aire, de personas, de impresiones, de sentimientos transformándose en otros casi opuestos, de agua...

como lo que ocurre cuando llueve como hoy apenas 10 minutos [qué manera de llover, dicho sea de paso] en una ciudad con una red de alcantarillado cuyo eufemismo en el mejor de los casos sería algo así como insuficiente.

10 minutos y ya está la ciudad llena de piscinas, lagos, lagunas, rios... barro, mucho barro.

curiosa la sensación de ir por la calle, de noche, entre sombras, esquivando los charcos más profundos [más que nada porque nunca sabes si ese agujero puede tener 60 cm de profundidad y te dejas la rodilla], con relámpagos cubriendo el cielo ocasionalmente, iluminando a través de los árboles, y escuchando los temas más "inquietantes" de krome angels. sombras, reflejos, sonidos distorsionados con recuerdos.
una recreación bastante aproximada, por cierto, de la sorpresa que supuso ver qué engañados nos tenía coco...

coincidencia también, los goterones que han caído hoy, y los que cayeron en el freedom cuando estaban precisamente pinchando krome angels... qué recuerdos, se echa de menos.

en fin, pensamientos aleatorios, corrientes al fin y al cabo...


krome angels - madison square garden

qué es lo que falta?

[foto: casa velha 10.03.05, justo antes de amanecer]

frases de "despedida"

"oye, con las flores estas es como si llevase un cartel en la cara [...]?" "bueno, estamos aqui para eso... ademas son bonitas" a.d.

"no, el no come" "que pasa, eres vegetariano?" "no, es de metal"

"vivaaa vivaaa" (corriendo cuesta arriba sobre un tractor de plastico empujado por uno de la misma especie, con unas antenas de florecillas girando con el viento..) a.

"así es la vida buscando momntos todo el día" d.

"se puede estar peor, pero nunca mejor q ahora" d.

"se puede hablar sin palabras? vamos, has oido todo lo que he dicho?" "no se si todo, pero he oido muchas cosas..." a.a.

"a pesar de los percances, al final como habiamos dicho salió el sol :)
... y la luna... y otra vez el sol..." a.

... y las que faltan... y las que habra...

one year ago...

one year ago it was freezing outside... one year ago it was thursday... one year ago silvia and pepe where visiting me in stockholm... one year ago some friends where visiting victor too... one year ago we were in another one of those improvised parties in room 233, and the "smoking area" was some rooms further, in room 228... one year ago i was wearing my purple skirt, and black tshirt... one year ago my friends told me off a bit when we arrived home, but in the good sense! one year ago...

one year ago was just another day... or just seemed like that then...

two perfect nights

***saturday 18/10, madrid***

- hey rita, i'll be having dinner here, and it's close enough, so maybe you can come by later with marta, we have some drinks here and then we go
- by car?
- i think so!
- nice...
- go to this subway stop, and we'll make light signs from the window :P

[...]
- so you are coming by car... ok, after this village you take this road, and then this dirt track... you'll pass by some fields, a big sewage system plant, and also many people walking in the same direction, is kind of a long way, 5 or 6 km... you'll recognise when you have arrived, you'll either see the ruins or quite many cars...

[...]
and there we were left, the 3 of us, at the beginning of a row of parked cars, people... and we walked up another path, jumped through the hole in the wall, went around another wall, and there we were in the yard of an abandoned monastery. few lights (most coming from the energy control stand), big speakers, music just starting...

we tried to go on a walk around the monastery, but with the rainy weather we couldn't see much, and instead i came back with mud all over my sneakers and trousers (and more that we got along the night!).

so back to the first place, while they were also preparing the second area, in the old chapel, with different music and so.
we also met there friends of mine (alberto, the "pharmacist"...), friends of rita (miguel, pavi, dani...)...

and mainly that was the night! up to the yard, down to the chapel, out to the forest, out in the other direction to the cars, back again... funny people doing strange things sometimes, and a very nice surprise that came to join us around 5 (and brought -more- water and -more- warm clothes!) :D and a different dimension...

i was more than 4 hours being completely unable to stop talking, ahah. i tried to avoid it first, but then i saw i couldnt, so i just tried to change the listener from time to time, so that no one got bored... and so happy! such nice views! (oh, that sky... :P) the best moment of the night, when the clouds opened a bit just where the moon was... amazing, i couldn't stop looking =)

- remember those cartoons where they mix with some real images... doesn't it really look like that? can't you see the real image and the cartoon part? :P
[...]

with the daylight we finally went to explore the rest of the monastery. really worth seeing! (it even has a bottomless pit... :O) and by that time you could find a lot of other people walking around there too...

and that was it! 10.00 time to go, for me at least, even if some friends stayed till 12.30, 15.00...
long night full of -happy- stories...


***tuesday 21/10, barcelona***

"erasmus party at shôko, say you are in nice barcelona list and you get free entrance, free drink before 00.45, and special prices all night"

and after a horrible day with everything going wrong, the planets started to aligne...

i was with the best people (even gloria that was visiting that day!), in one of the most exclusive clubs in barcelona, entering just in time (at 00.44!) to get the free drink. and it was exactly like being back in stockholm!
same type of club, with one of those cool terraces like in stureplan, but instead of the street there was the beach! so even better. same type of people, of clothes, that "sweden's short concept", so many foreign people... and same type of music, those hits we heard every day in stockholm! i sometimes even looked around to look for some sundby people...

nostalgic, yes, but happy to relive that for one day, it was exactly what i needed...

the chemical brothers

sorry for not posting lately, but i've had absolutely no time... :(
i promise to update soon, i expect (hope!) to have a bit of time for myself next week.

but right now i was just remembering good times from this summer, listening to the chemical brothers' new album... i saw them live this summer at sudoeste festival, and if you haven't seen them it's definitely a must. the music, the images, the effects... you're taken completely to an unreal world. or to your own bubble, as you want to take it! and this album it's like being back there...



i was looking for some video, but i can't find any that really shows what it was so... ill leave this song, that was my happiest moment in my bubble :P and it was followed by "believe", that was the most impressive one, on effects i mean, so for me the best part of the concert! though it was perfect from beggining to end.

well... except for one thing :(

feeling again as leaving stockholm...

strange, my last goodbyes were the 29th of june, and since then no more until the 29th of july, with again 2 really difficult ones. i'll miss you... so much :'(

but in 2 days i'll meet many other sundby people, and some others in one week, so it's to be happy too! kind of sweet and sour...

and below all of this there's the fact: we already are meeting around europe. so this definitely can work... :)

vi ses!

just a small post, it's not time for many words now...

i'm back, it's done, it's true, even if i still don't realise it, even if i can't believe it's possible that it's over...
i still think i'll go back to my flat, to sundby, with my things, my people... my home, my family... this is just a holiday break, isn't it? it should be...

in fact it kind of is like that, now is the "meeting around europe" phase! or else? :)

so thanks to all for an unforgettable year. i learned a lot, changed a lot, enjoyed a lot... 11 months that seemed like 11 years, so many things happened! but passed by just as 11 days, so quick...

i hope each of you know how important you've been this time, and what you mean to me now...

and remember Sundby is not only a place, it’s a feeling, a way of living. and that hasn’t finished, of course not.

it has just started...

ps: i love you people :)

family visit, and family here...

continuing from tuesday 13th may...

i picked up my parents and we came here to leave everything and have lunch. they stayed at home this time, so it was living in family again for a week... and i spent all the time i could with them, i was happy to have them here!

in the afternoon we went for a walk from fridhemsplan to södermalm, through gamla stan (the tiny statue!), and then just had dinner (typical swedish potato!) and back home.
and i then went to igor's, that everyone was there...

on wednesday i woke up early to prepare a great great breakfast at home (i'm so good daughter! ahah. no, seriously, the builders nearby were making so much noise that was impossible to sleep anymore, so i made a good use of that time!). then we went to sigtuna, and then back in stockholm we went to östermalm's market and main campus.

and at night first i went to sidney's, because he called me to organise a goodbye party, and then we went to pedro's, that everyone else was there. i was so tired, but it was funny just because of that :P sidney always cold and with the blanket, like a granny, me pretending to be part of the furniture while gonçalo kept on throwing me the "ball" (paper star)... ahah

on thursday we first went to the tv tower, and then my parents went to växholm while i went to a goodbye meeting in KTH. the meeting was a good excuse to sleep a bit, and then they invited us to juice and princess cake, typical from sweden.

i then went with gonçalo and sidney to a festival, "new made sound", at kth musikhögskolan. it was nice, 3 small stages, with not known groups, but all different and interesting, i liked it... and then i went to pick my parents in södermalm (but going through kungstradgarden a bit, that there was a big concert) and took them to the viewpoint to see the sunset.
we had dinner in a really nice swedish restaurant in medborgarplatsen and back to sundby, but in the tunnelbana station i said goodbye to them and hello to the sundby people, to go to cafe bojan!

fun as usual, i talked a lot with some people i hadn't seen for ages... :D but after a "complicated" week in many aspects, a conversation was inevitable and needed. in the bus back home things came about just as normal, and made complete sense later on... (and i stayed until so late, even if my parents were at home :$)

*btw, so many stories have occurred in cafe bojan's night bus! ahah.

so on friday (16th) i woke up early (so tired! in my sleepy bubble :P) to go with my parents to pick a car we rented for the weekend. they went to do the same trip we did in january, to dalarna, and i stayed to work a bit... in fact i just went straight to school.

*and that day the soundtrack came by silence 4: "today you may feel a little sleepy, maybe the morning is too soon..." =)

i came back home, and at night we went to have some drinks in uli's place, and then to medusa rock bar, finally! i liked the place, and the people! nice night... and then straight to sleep!!!

i managed to work a bit on saturday, and my parents arrived in the afternoon, earlier than planned. so the rest of the afternoon i was packing things for them to take back home, having dinner together... family stuff! :)
but i missed diego's party because of my stupid mobile phone, again... :(

on monday morning we went for a walk in sundbyberg, so that they saw the lovely place where i live (ahah), and then i took them to the airport (we still had the car one day more!). the way back was great, loud music, driving as i wanted, so happy!
and since i had the car all afternoon, i went to do my last "family shopping" in lidl with lukas...

and then, although it was just the afternoon and evening, it seemed a whole day, one of the most perfect ones in stockholm...

we first went to mariefred. by the time we arrived all the shops and cafes where already closed, so the town was kind of empty. but it was so nice to walk around, the castle with the nonsense windows, the tiny funny island, flowers, ducks, nice streets with cute colourful houses...

and then we went to strängnäs, quite near. it was also completely empty and everything closed, and although it's much bigger than mariefred it was also so nice! we visited the centre looking for the "most beautiful street of sweden" (according to some swedish poet), but we only found it when we where leaving! ahah. and we also had a perfect sunset there, beside the water, with the ducks playing to chase each other :P

and then a pizza in the only open place left, and delaying the moment to go back home we explored stockholm's "deep forest", going on a rally along narrow roads and paths, and seeing villages of no more than 10 houses... (btw, stora sundby is so ugly! :P) and a perfect view of the sky reflected over the water at dusk, with the stars starting to appear, and the smell of grass... that must be close to paradise, or at least i felt so...



mariefred







strängnäs

it's a new dawn, it's a new day

strange, one week here and still feeling strange. it seems as if this wasn't normal life yet, all provisional, still waiting for everything to begin and everyone to come... and it's quite like that, some more people have to come, but not so many.

but every time we are all together, we feel as if we were waiting for someone else to knock on the door and come in. in fact, most days we are no more than 9! (from the sundby people that we used to be together) compare with the last dinner we organised, that we had to split into two groups because we couldn't fit all in one room...

i know we'll meet more people, and we'll start doing the same things and feeling the same way as before christmas, but right now there are so many empty spaces...
we don't go to 907 (not yet at least), and if we go to 507 we don't say "at richard's" anymore. "susana and ivo's" has become "the two chinese", we have no portuguese saying bad words in spanish, no dutch ignoring our bad jokes, and if we are going to organise something i can't send a message to all my sundbyberg's contacts as i used to.

i miss you people, and i'm not the only one. i hope you manage to come back some days these months, you know you have a place here...

closing the cycle

nice day today, nice walk, nice lunch, nice time with just the same people i started the 2nd of august. but totally different situation, we have walked such a long distance... and today i've realised i never imagined stockholm without you. it's not going to be easy to say goodbye to all the people leaving in december, but you f****** germans... i don't know if i'm going to be able to say goodbye to you. so, just in case i run away on wednesday, thank you for these months, and be sure you'll never leave sundby completely, you are part of this, of us, of me.

sé que debo el repaso de la semana, pero ahora no estoy con ganas, asi que ya lo contaré otro día...

hoy estoy nostálgica, que el erasmus de vez en cuando también tiene ese lado. quieras que no aquí estamos muy solitos todos, y sí, normalmente estás muy entretenido, siempre con gente y demás, pero hay veces que eso no es suficiente.

entre eso y el "efecto gran hermano"... hay algun rato que te sigues viendo solillo, y te intentas agarrar a cualquier cosa [con más o menos acierto]. pero lo bueno es que por suerte hay gente que sabe lo que necesitas y te lo da, sea un abrazo, una conversación de 5 horas o un colacao :P

así que a los de aquí, siempre gracias; y a los de allí, que aunque escriba más o menos, o lo diga más o menos, claro que os echo de menos...

glorious, andreas johnson

me encanta esta canción, pero creo que no puedo ser objetiva... sí, me parece que tiene mucha fuerza, pero sobre todo me trae recuerdos.
salió hace ya años, y por aquella época había cierto chico que me encantaba... y la primera vez que ví el videoclip, me le recordó muchísimo. en realidad el parecido no es tanto, pero por algun gesto o lo que fuese, en aquel momento me lo pareció. y ese par de meses que estuvieron echando el videoclip en la tele, lo asociaba directamente al chico este, era mi forma de verle sin verle.
y de aquello ahora lo que queda es que cuando oigo esta canción me entra un ligero cosquilleo en la tripa, en parte por la canción, y en parte por recordar una muy buena época, y una manera de sentir las cosas tan inocente...

y a todo esto, el cantante es sueco, mira por donde! aunque para mi decepción he visto algún video más reciente de él, y... en fin.
pero bueno, solo me quedo con esta canción, y este videoclip.

piano...

el sabado pasado tuve mi último concierto de piano hasta... puf. además este año con tanto lío en la uni he decidido no ir a piano ya ni mayo ni junio, así que el sabado me despedí del todo hasta dentro de año y medio al menos. y me dio pena la verdad.
en realidad hay muchos conciertos de los que salgo un pelín triste: en los que me quedo luego por allí con la gente. porque me da rabia que hay gente muy maja y con la que creo que podría llevarme muy bien, y que de hecho nos llevamos bien! pero sólo les veo de año en año, y en el mejor de los casos dos veces al año si coincidimos en dos conciertos. y es gente con la que suelo compartir más que la afición por la música, porque llevamos el mismo tipo de vida, queremos lo mismo, etc. pero cada uno tiene su vida y al final todo queda ahí, en un día, un concierto, unas risas, unas cañas como mucho, y "espero verte pronto".
en fin, pasa con tantas cosas...

bueno, os dejo aqui mi programa de este año. os podría contar millones de cosas de cada obra, pero como no es plan de aburrir al personal, si a alguien le interesa que pregunte. como siempre, no tiene nada que ver la grabación con el directo, pero espero que os guste.
- nocturno nº1 op.48 en do menor, Chopin.
- cuadros de una exposición, Mussorgsky.
- sugestion (más conocido como sugestion diabolica), Prokofiev.

angel o demonio... a veces pienso que me hubiera gustado que todo quedase ahi, para que el recuerdo hubiera seguido siendo ese, pero algo bueno tiene que hayamos llegado a conocer todos nuestros defectos, y es que para eso hemos tenido que llegar a conocer o compartir tantas otras cosas que merecen la pena. y no es cierto que todo lo que bien empieza bien acaba. hay cosas que acaban bien, otras mal, y otras no acaban, continúan. a veces van en una direccion, a veces en otra, o simplemente se van transformando en algo distinto.
y aunque siempre he vivido la situacion de cada momento, en el fondo para mi eres pasado y presente al mismo tiempo, no sabría entender lo uno sin lo otro.

"...al final eso es lo que queda de una persona, un recuerdo de un instante con ella."

2006 - 30 agosto

hasta... luego?

normalmente cuanto más difícil es una despedida, significa que más intenso ha sido lo que se deja atras... el verano más difícil de mi vida en ese caso.

aun no ha acabado todo, esto es sólo otra visita fugaz a madrid, que en 24 horas me vuelvo a ir, pero empiezo a sentir que tengo ya un pie aqui. y aunque el reencuentro siempre es agradable... cuesta. siempre da pena que se acaben las vacaciones y eso, claro, pero es la primera vez que siento algo asi. este tiempo ha sido como una realidad paralela, desconectar del lugar, del tiempo, y de mi misma.

ahora toca volver al mundo conocido. y alegra volver a ver a tu gente, iniciar ciertas cosas, y retomar otras (es posible echar de menos el autocad???).

pero eso quedará para otro momento, cuando realmente haya aterrizado aqui del todo, que ahora apenas estoy rozando. esta entrada es para recuerdos. despedidas de lugares, de gente en general, de personas concretas. ha habido de todo, de lo más amplio a lo más pequeño, pero todas complicadas. y como suelo decir, quien quiera entender...

aunque me consuela pensar que tanta intensidad deja huella. las experiencias pasan a formar parte de nosotros, a guardarse como recuerdos, y una separación no tiene por qué significar un final. verdad?

yo desde luego no estoy igual que me fui...

de todas formas como he dicho, aqui no acaba todavía. quedan más recuerdos que echar al saco, empezando mañana mismo con otra despedida, curiosa paradoja.

de momento, mientras no hayamos vuelto del todo, dejémosle este rinconcito a la nostalgia...

2006 - 26 julio

1 mes y 9 paises despues

vuelta a la "normalidad" despues de tantos dias, y en realidad parecen años. pienso en el principio del viaje y lo veo como un sitio en el que estuve una vez hace mucho... pero poco a poco los recuerdos van cogiendo forma, supongo que no se puede asimilar tanto en tan poco tiempo.

y la percepcion de las cosas cambia, irse a malaga a darse un baño y volver parece lo mas normal del mundo, y te sorprendes de encontrar españoles... en chueca. y los dias pasan a durar meses. quien quiera entender...

supongo que ya tendre tiempo de contaros mil y una historias, pero de momento solo quería mandar un saludillo a todos los que no he podido ver en esta visita fugaz a madrid. me hubiese gustado quedar con muchos más de vosotros, pero por unas cosas o por otras no ha podido ser. en fin, a la vuelta será.

yo apenas he tenido tiempo de deshacer la maleta (que digo maleta, mochila. o mejor dicho lo que quedaba de ella...), y ya estoy haciendo una nueva, que las cosas salen sin pensarlas. y a desaparecer otra buena temporada.

espero que no os hayais olvidado de mi cara cuando vuelva! que yo por muy lejos que me vaya sigo pensando en vosotros...